Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
