so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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