My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
