and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
