please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
