the condom got lost in my hair
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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