i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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