well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
