My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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