An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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