did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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