i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
