Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
