i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
