Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
