Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
