In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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