Dual....:-)
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
