No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
