i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he shaved USA in his pubs
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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