They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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