I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
