when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
