Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
