If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
