Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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