TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
