so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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