the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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