Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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