Girls should come with a carfax report
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
