he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
