I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
