Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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