His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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