Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
