Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
