oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
