Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
