I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
