he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
