I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
