He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
