The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
