Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
