he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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