Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
