You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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