i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dear god my vagina.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
