well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
