Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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