i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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