I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
