he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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