She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
