If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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