Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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