whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you will always have a special place in my vag
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
