i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
