I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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