I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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