...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
