If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
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You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
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And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize