i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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