Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
