Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
