I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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