we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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