yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sorry about my life...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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