remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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