dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?