i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
