Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY