Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me