i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.