that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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