She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
